This is the same question you asked before I was asked to tell you a story. It’s about the moment I realized it was not possible to know whether to trust you or not. I had a sense that I couldn’t trust him, that he was somehow out to get me. I had a visceral understanding of the feeling of fear that I felt during that phone call.
I’ve had many similar experiences with people I trust in my life. I remember the first time that I told my girlfriend a story of my suspicions. She seemed to like the idea, though in that moment I couldn’t tell if the story she told me gave me a clearer sense of who she was or what she was. But I felt like she sensed something else, something stronger, something that I hadn’t previously understood or even understood well.
Over the years I’ve developed more of an appreciation of people who I trust. I’ve developed many relationships with people who I know are trustworthy. If an event had happened to me, if someone had told me it was impossible for me to believe that I could trust them anyway, I wouldn’t give it any more weight. Maybe that feeling would fade a bit over time because I’m just like everybody else. There’s no real difference between us.
I think I am more likely to be trusting someone when I know that they see how trustworthy I have been. I know that they are capable of understanding trust.
This is a question for another day. But for now I’m ready to let you know this story. It is one that I have asked myself, often, but never about you. It is a story of mine that I have often heard.
We all have our suspicions but rarely do we ask our loved ones for proof of them. Most times we accept these suspicions not because we are willing to put trust in them, but because such things are hard to do. We accept this because it must be so impossible to know for certain that someone we trust would lie for us – after all it is impossible to know, at least in this moment, whether they are lying in what would be a lie of omission or telling the truth.
And this is where we run into trouble. We are not willing to put ourselves in someone’s place. We do not ask ourselves if someone like me might not simply lie to us. We don’t ask ourselves if a friend might lie to us. In fact, none of us want to ask ourselves the very thing we are about
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